The Introductory Dope Slap

Deniers' undying love for Grandpa Al, and other silly, pointless distractions that affect the science behind anthropogenic climate change not one bit.

Climate change deniers make a ton of provably false claims.  The ridiculous clamor makes it seem like there's another side to this issue.  There isn't.  All other causes for the observed warming besides our emissions have been ruled out.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  We'll get to such arguments soon enough, I'm sure.

All I want to do in this post is initiate a preemptive strike on some really, really stale and predictable denier tosh.  Incorporate any of this nonsense in your "arguments" against anthropogenic global warming (AGW), and you will only make my self-appointed task here that much easier.

1. "Ha ha, Al Gore said blah blah blah.  Oh, and he's fat, and he flies in planes a lot, and he owns an SUV."  Yeah, that's nice.  Your unrequited love for Al Gore might get you turned down for a date, you big infatuated weirdo, but it ain't gonna win this argument.  Climate scientists don't rely on Grandpa Al when conducting or writing up their research.  Show me one peer-reviewed article in a respected science journal that uses him as a reference, or sssshhhheeeeeyyyyaaaatttt up about him already.
2. "But what about David Suzuki?  Politician X?  Some empty-headed actor?  The green hipster twit cashier at my local whole foods store?"  Uh, no.  See number 1 above.
3. "Past climate changes were worse, so who cares about this one?"  It hasn't nearly run its course and done its worse yet, but never mind that, because let's follow this point to its logical conclusion.  A really big asteroid or comet could drop out of the sky and sterilize the Earth, so why worry about reducing nuclear bombs which can only take out cities, or states, or nations, right?  Worst.  Argument.  Ever.
4. "The Sun affects the climate more than CO2.  Duh, you didn't know that?"  AGW addresses the observed modern warming, from which solar variability has been decoupled, so it's neat that you remember 4th grade science lessons, but they don't apply here.
5. "The warming stopped 16 years ago."  Nope.  Cowtan and Way 2013.  Google it and its findings, and educate yourself.  Don't believe one paper?  Fine, then admit the warming "stopped" many times.
   
6. "Ice in Antarctica is growing."  Sea ice is expanding coverage slightly (much less than what is lost in the Arctic) due to...drum roll, please...climate change.  Yup, fresh water inundations from precipitation and land ice melt caused by climate change are preventing sea ice melt.

There are more denier canards, obviously, but those are the ones I see reiterated most often.